New Goals, New Motivation

It's been two weeks since I completed my first sprint triathlon in McKinney, Texas. Since then, I haven't really done anything physical. I'm the type of person that needs a break after completing a goal. And since the motivation for this tri was mostly to support Jessica and to do something I'd never done, after completing it, I needed new motivation.

I think I mentioned during my last post that my boyfriend, Tim, was seemingly inspired by the atmosphere at the triathlon and was talking about doing my next one with me.  At the time, I was both thrilled at his interest and skeptical that it would continue for any significant amount of time. I supported his new found interest but without pushing him to take any action to accomplish his new goals. Surprisingly, he's taken it upon himself to complete his goals. Honestly he's been reminding me a lot of Jessica lately. He went and bought a swim suit, goggles, swim cap, running shoes, and shorts.  He's been working out 5 days a week, and is saving money to buy a bike. On top of all that, when he's at my apartment, the kid is glued to one of my triathlon books or magazine. It seems he's really serious about this, and I couldn't be more thrilled.  He wants to do the Redman Sprint Tri in September. This is the tri that Jessica is doing the Olympic distance of.  Part of me really wants to do the Olympic distance with her. After all, I can't let her complete one before me now can I? I've decided though, that it's more important to support Tim on this one.  He's never been an active guy, and I think if I support him right now, this could turn into a lifestyle change for both of us.  So if he wants to do an Olympic distance in September, I will be right by his side. If not, I'll still be there with him. 

Tim's new-found athletic drive is really only part of why I wanted to post today. The truth is, I've had a bit of a reality shock in the last two weeks.  I have cystic fibrosis.  It is, among other things, a lung disease. This post is not a self proclamation, it's not for pity.  I'm blessed. Comparatively speaking, I'm healthy.  I'm really healthy.  I have a friend though, who isn't as fortunate. She's my age, and just spent the last week and a half or so in the hospital.  I don't want to go into her health situation, as it is not mine to tell, but suffice it to say that she was once just as active as I am.  Doctors have threatened me with the possibility of lung transplant for years (ie do your meds or you'll ruin your lungs) but they never gave me a time estimate. My friend got an estimate last week.  It hit me really hard.  I don't know that I've ever had so many emotions at once. I felt sorry for my friend, fear for her, and myself. After all, at the end of the day my friend and I are the same.  

But this post isn't about that. It's not about my fears, or some sort of twisted desire for attention. I've always thought that time should be spent well. It should be spent doing the things you love, and helping other people to have the best possible life they can.   This experience with my friend got me thinking about how I spend my time.  I just did a triathlon which let's face it I didn't train that hard for. I can't believe that I take so much of who I am and what I can do for granted.  I've always been somewhat preoccupied with fighting the fact that I'm different. I don't take my medicine because I can do what I do without it. I thought of it like taking performance enhancing drugs. Like any accomplishment I had would be lessened by the fact that drugs helped me do it.  But my perspective is changing. If I live my life without medicines continuing to do what I do until my lungs won't allow me, haven't I wasted the gift I was given? There are people out there who would give anything to do what I can, and I'm willing to waste it? What if instead of taking my health for granted, I used it to help people?What if I did things simply because others can't, not for self gain, but to raise awareness of what exactly we're dealing with? 

I don't really know what I'm going to do, or how I'm going to do it, but this is my new motivation. Tim told me a couple of days ago that every treatment I miss takes time away from him. In a way, I think now that every opportunity I don't take advantage of, every time I take what I have for granted, I'm taking away something from everyone else that is afflicted with cf. Whether that be inspiration, or awareness, I can not justify it. It would be selfish, and a waste of my time which is something I've never agreed with.